To my wife:
I am going to make mistakes. Probably a lot of them. I am going to try to be good at everything I do, sometimes a little too hard. But above all, I will love the crap out of us.
This is essentially how every man’s wedding vows can be summed up. Whether their words sounded like this or not, they are all generally the same.
Dudes Are Going to Make Mistakes
From day one, we are going to continuously attempt to make each day better than the day before. Some days will be more selfishly motivated than most: a golf trip with our buddies, catching a game while the team has a home stand, but overall we are looking for ways to enhance the life we live together.
Whether it’s in the form of taking it day by day in a job we hate for the sake of paying the bills. Or the slightly less grueling shopping experience our spouses wanted to have for the third consecutive football Sunday.
We generally are happy to make sacrifices for the betterment of the family and we are not alone in these small daily sacrifices, it’s a team effort and everyone does their part.
Call You Out With Love
We know we are going to make mistakes, probably a lot of them. We are also aware that in most cases our spouses will call us out on our crap.
But isn’t that what marriage is all about? Finding the person who can call you out for being dumb (no matter how often that may be) and still always know it is coming from a good place.
Marriage is about finding the person who knows your faults and loves you for them anyway.
Men With Makeup
As men we are born with a different chemical makeup than our female counterparts. We are born with a feeling of security that comes from masculinity.
Even on the most basic level we still have some of the caveman, hunter/gatherer DNA still lingering in there that tells us everything will be fine if we just keep moving forward to find the next meal.
But what happens when that feeling fades away due to the stresses of everyday life?
A companion to cruise through life with is a necessary evil.
On the one hand there is the deep need for building a team around us that we believe can take us to the World Series: a team made up of a solid foundation of family, friends and positive influences.
And no team is complete without a captain to help lead the way, a person who fights for the betterment of the team and speaks up when they see something not going as it should.
On the other hand, we have a desire to prove we can do things on our own. To stand up against all elements and come out on the other side battle worn, beat up and feeling as though we can solve that too. No matter the feeling, it’s always easier with your team.
Real Stress Stuff
In a study done back in the 60’s by researchers, Holmes and Rahe, it was determined that marriage is the number 7 most stressful thing we can do in our lives. It even beats pregnancy, by a decent amount.
But yet there is still a vast majority of us that have decided to journey down this path of love anyway. We have decided that the amount of stress we are going to take on is worth the feeling of companionship.
We are willing to fight to maintain something that at times will be the most exhausting thing we could imagine. We are willing to stop everything to make sure the universe stays right for our family.
Marry Me So I Can Be Exhausted
But if marriage is so high on the list of stressors in our world, why do we still continue to reach for the white picket fence life dreams are made of?
Thinking back on the our childhood we were always surrounded by perfection in relationships. Whether this mastery of love was going on in our homes or not, we always had the ability to flip on the TV and find perfection inside of those 30 glorious minutes created by a team of writers.
Tolerate My Endless Love
Marriage is not always fun and definitely not easy. In reality, it’s a ton of work and we don’t always get it right on the first try.
We put in the time and effort to make it happen, sometimes to a level of success that is a moving target based on our stress tolerance of the time. We put up with things differently from day to day and maintain the common goal of happiness and fulfillment through love and acceptance.
So although we are going to make mistakes over and over again, find the person who can accept your faults and call you out in the best way. Celebrate the small victories and don’t let the stress of life get to you too often.
It is worth the effort, and if not, it’s at least worth the wine! Cheers!
PS: I bet you haven’t heard this 5-star relationship advice yet!