Go into your refrigerator and grab an egg. Yes, I mean it.
Eggs are fragile, so be careful! Be sure not to drop it. Protect it as best as you can.
Now… hold the egg in the palm of your hand, and then SQUEEZE IT! Squeeze it as hard as you can! It’s not breaking? Squeeze harder!
…are you sweating yet?! Surprised it’s not breaking?
How is it that something we know to be extremely fragile is actually wildly resilient?
The first time I tried this experiment, I was floored. What if I could be like an egg as a stepmom?
It takes Thick Skin to be a Stepmom
To be a happy stepmom, it’s necessary to develop thick skin—and quickly!
Each day, we are faced with scenarios that can push us over the edge. Whether it’s a decision we were not consulted on, frustration with how the other household parents, or a rush to take the kids to a specific vacation destination for the first time, there is a huge emotional tax stepmoms pay daily.
The Importance of Being Like an Egg
When the emotional tax can feel too costly to pay, it’s important to remember these three reasons why you need to be like an egg as a stepmom.
1) You can’t please everyone, so stop trying.
Not everyone likes eggs, and not everyone likes you… and that’s okay! Just like the egg’s shell cannot be cracked no matter how hard it’s squeezed, your skin needs to be so thick that no one can break you.
It’s mentally exhausting to try and please everyone. As a stepmom, you may have a difference of opinion from a lot of important people: your husband, your mother-in-law, your stepchild’s mom… the list goes on. Having thick skin is your first line of defense in savoring your happiness.
2) Confidence is sexy.
Admit it… you were impressed with the egg when it didn’t crack in your hand. When you state your unapologetic opinions as a stepmom, your husband will respect you, and the other people around you will start to see that you mean business.
Of course, confidence is not an excuse to disregard appropriate means of communication. Shamelessly speaking your truth still needs to be done tactfully. Exuding confidence is like adding a layer of armor on top of your already strong egg shell.
3) You are responsible for your emotional well-being.
Having thick skin doesn’t exempt you from having feelings. Despite the egg shell staying in-tact, the yolk certainly felt the pressure of your hand trying to cripple it. Even with thick skin, you are human, and are permitted to experience emotions.
You have to be like an egg. You have to develop thick skin to protect yourself. Even though you are prepared to not please everyone and confident in your decisions, you will still get hurt occasionally.
How to Become Unbreakable
Sometimes, being resilient seems so out of reach. If you’re struggling to find your inner peace and confidence, consider these tips for how to develop your seemingly “uncrackable” shell.
Recognize your triggers.
Self-reflection is essential to developing thick skin. Challenge yourself to discover not only what specifically sets you off, but why. It’s impossible to develop thick skin if you don’t know what you’re trying to protect.
Is simply seeing your stepchild’s mom what sets you off? Or is it your husband allowing the kids into your bed? Whatever the case may be, discovering the “what” and the “why” is critical.
Practice being bold.
Try setting one small boundary, then sticking to it. With each value you hold firm to, you will develop more self-assurance, and be able to confidently protect yourself moving forward.
Trust your gut.
Even though the egg has an impressive, unbreakable shell, we all know the yolk is the real star of the show. Trust your gut—your yolk.
When it comes to developing thick skin to protect yourself, you know how to take care of yourself better than anyone else does.
You are your own biggest advocate. When it comes to being a stepmom, developing and nurturing your own special, resilient shell is the key to your happiness.
Just like the egg, surprise everyone around you. Be brave, and know that you are more than enough.
P.S. Do you feel overwhelmed, like the pressure is overwhelming? We understand the crippling anxiety that often comes with this role.