There are days that just plain suck as a stepmom.
Some of those days are when a custody battle is looming and you’re anxiety-ridden, or you’re waiting not-so-patiently for your husband to let you know how court went. Others are when your stepdaughter has pushed every boundary and button and you’re frustrated, overwhelmed, and exhausted.
Then, there are the days where you just feel lost. It’s a constant feeling of dread, fear, or anxiety, and it can come at a moment’s notice with a trigger as simple as a return address label on an envelope.
We all know there can be really crummy days for stepmoms.
For me, music is a huge piece of my life. It’s always been there—through my parents’ lullabies, with high school marching band and choir, and as mixed CDs in my first car. Music seems to be the one constant that can always affect my mood for the better or nail down exactly how I’m feeling while I wallow a little.
5 Encouraging Songs for the Toughest Stepmom Days
If you’re in a funk and music speaks to your soul like it does mine, I’ve got your back! These are five of my go-to encouraging songs for those tough stepmom days.
“Up!” – Shania Twain
A true pump-up song. No matter what you’re having thrown your way, every once in a while, you need a good dance-it-out earworm. You won’t be able to frown while listening to this song because it really hits on almost every feeling that can make a day suck.
This is my personal favorite to listen to after we’ve had a hard/tough/frustrating co-parenting conversation that felt like it couldn’t have gone any worse.
In fact, while you’re at it, just grab the full album Up!.
“Tomorrow” – Annie
When you need a reminder that it gets better, Annie is the answer. It’s also humbling to have a small child belting out that she’ll “stick out her chin and grin” when things went wrong while you might have spent the day pouting like a small child instead. I’ve been there; it’s not a great feeling.
This classic will stick with you through all your hard days and give hope that the next day will be better.
If you haven’t seen Jamie Foxx’s 2014 version of Annie, you should check it out. It’s amazing!
“The Luckiest” – Ben Folds
Save this one for the sappy days – the ones where you sit back and realize you’ve really got it all even though it’s tough. It’ll make you cry, it’ll make you smile. It always puts into perspective for me that life happens for a reason and it’s also short so you’ve got to make it the best you can.
If you’re looking for a good motivational book, Ben Folds has you covered here.
“Anybody Have a Map?” – Dear Evan Hansen
This one really fits for any parent at all. It’s my favorite to hear when I’ve had a day where it seems like I’m failing as a stepmom and mom.
“I’m kinda coming up empty” is a feeling I have more often than I’d like to admit, and it’s nice to know that someone (even if it’s a fictional character because they HAD to be written by a real person) feels that way some days, too.
And for all of your Dear Evan Hansen Broadway lovers, check out these bracelets!
“Biscuits” – Kacey Musgraves
Did someone give unsolicited commentary on your co-parenting dynamic? Has your stepkid’s mom tried to get in the middle of everything lately? This song really gets to the point: putting down someone else isn’t going to help you get up.
Give this one a listen, and I can guarantee your new catchphrase will be “mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy.”
You can find “Biscuits” on Kacey’s album Pageant Material.
Special recognition goes to “You Will Be Found” – Dear Evan Hansen.
This one, in particular, spoke to me during a long, heavy season of depression. It was a time where I felt like nothing—nothing at all—was going right and that I was drowning in my role as a stepmom, mom, and wife.
When I hear this song, I think that there are so many other women out there who feel the same way I did, and I’m not alone. That’s an important thing to remember every day that you’re stepmomming: You. Are. Not. Alone.
Getting Out of a Funk
I’m the first to admit that it’s easy to get swallowed into the wallowing and self-pity when things don’t go according to plan because of an outside force. It’s so important to be able to reset your mindset when life gets frustrating from co-parenting or stepmom stressors.
My reset comes when I listen to music. I find those songs that connect to my current feelings and emotions first. Then, I move onto the songs that get me pumped to give it another go or look to the positive.
Getting through those tough days
The best advice I can give a new stepmom is to spend the time getting to know yourself and what helps you handle stress. You can find your own way to reset. Your reset could be music, reading, running, gardening, or whatever you enjoy that gets you back to your best self for yourself and your family.
Remember the saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup.
When you take care of yourself and learn ways to overcome tough days, you can move past them so much easier. No matter what, know that you’ve got this and you’re going to be okay!
P.S. If you’re more of a book person, here’s a great list of stepmoms novels!